(11th of ‘Life’ series)
If I have to name someone who shaped the person that I am today, it would have to be my elder brother, Manoy Cesar. Noy Cesar was the youngest of my brothers from Mama’s first husband. He carried himself with a quiet confidence that almost felt close to invincible. He embraced his PMA Class 67 upbringing with a kind of unquestioned superiority, as if the title alone would make him untouchable before any crowd. When he joined the Army after graduating from PMA, people spoke highly of him, with a warmth and romantic awe that made you believe in knights in shining armor.
I remember feeling a mix of admiration and gentle fear whenever I heard of stories of his feats. He seemed to possess a Midas touch, excelling at everything he worked on. He looked sharp, spoke with confidence and clarity, and carried himself with pride; qualities that seemed almost out of reach for me then. And the more I admired him and placed him high up on a pedestal, the more I doubted myself. I found myself hesitant to take the PMA exam. I didn’t want to risk being compared to him and be found wanting. I wanted to be my own man, yes, but that looming shadow of his accomplishments made the mere thought of competing feel like going against a Goliath-of-a-man.
But then came that fateful moment that felt almost dramatic in its simplicity: a cousin’s visit, and my Papa’s directive for me to take the PMA exam with him. Not a quiet invitation, not a gentle query, just a simple direct order.
That moment, that simple bark-of-an-order took on a gravity I hadn’t anticipated. My hesitation was overcome by that need to obey my Papa’s order. I went to the exam hall primarily on the pretext of complying with his wish. But I did so as well to test my own limits; to see if I could step out of my brother’s shadow; and to see what I could become on my own terms. Admittedly, I did so with the hope that I could find a way to get out of Tagbilaran. The rest is history. I passed the PMA exam, and that victory didn’t just open the door to a new chapter in my life; it opened up a most fulfilling career and a whole new environment for me.
To be honest, the journey was never about outshining Noy Cesar. I’d like to believe that it was about meeting him halfway at a space where my admiration and my aspiration could coexist within my own inner self. He taught me what it means to carry myself with dignity; he challenged me to pursue excellence for its own sake. And he inspired me to believe in myself, and to believe that a single decisive action can change one’s entire future toward something brighter. That belief – something I learned from him – still guides me whenever I face a hard choice or a quiet fear.
For a closer look, just click on the pics.
Color My World 