It’s Kid Kamala Versus Duke Donnie in Big Boxing Spectacle!!!

In my own version of the multiverse, I witnessed a huge boxing extravaganza exploding before my eyes in spectacular dimensions and colors. It was a fight that featured 2 protagonists with contrasting styles and outlooks, using hooks and jabs loaded with political and socio-economic barbs. It was a fight between good and evil, and which side was good depended on where one sat with his views and beliefs. It was a fight that would have otherworldly consequences, with far-reaching effects reverberating like waves across the galaxies. 

In the red corner, there was the Duke Donnie, a former champion and a grizzled veteran with an almost immaculate fight record. Donnie was a flamboyant fighter who was born from an ultra-rich family, hence the nickname The Duke. Recently, Donnie was involved in a controversial loss – his first and only loss by far – in his last title fight. To this day, he claims he was robbed of a decision in that fight.

In the blue corner, there stood Kid Kamala, a feisty young promising fighter who was a late replacement for the present and outgoing champ – the old, venerable Joltin’ Joe. Joltin’ Joe had been declared unfit to fight due to past injuries that had taken its toll on his body. The promising young pug, fondly called The Kid, had gained the admiration of many fight aficionados with her courage and determination. After all, she was taking on the fight at such short notice, donning her fight mitts barely 3-months before fight night.

The Duke Donnie, older and heavier, was the odds-on favorite in this title fight for all the marbles. A veteran heavy hitter, he had prepared for this fight for years. And he was ready with an arsenal of skills, and was also known not to shy away from using some tricks bordering below the belt. 

But the Kid was unfazed. She met the challenge with a youthful enthusiasm, and prepared hard by barnstorming the country to let everyone know she had the skills, the stamina, the strength, and most of all, the savvy to match Donnie’s tactics, and dirty tricks if need be. And for that, she was rewarded, as more and more fight fans started believing in her. 

Donnie had entered the ring oozing with confidence, having prepared for a supposed return title bout – a grudge match – against Joe much, much earlier. But the Kid’s own ‘Hard work is good work’ ethic was clearly gaining momentum. The Kid’s boundless energy was in full display, as she tried to catch up for lost training time. Thus, as both gladiators entered the ring for the main event of the evening, the odds favoring the Duke Donnie had almost evened out, with the momentum now on the younger pug’s side. 

Donnie came out swinging in Round 1 with the intent of finishing the match early. His solid haymakers were fueled by his ‘America First’ agenda, the economy, and most vicious of all, a right hook on immigration. The Kid parried deftly, and backed it up with crisp counterpunches on health care, social justice and climate change. 

Donnie won the early rounds as he highlighted his almost lethal immigration hook, featuring stricter border measures that included the completion of a border wall. But the Kid was able to dodge the supposed knockout blows, with deft sidesteps and counterpunches, advocating a more compassionate approach to immigration. She also followed through with a progressive economic agenda; including raising the minimum wage, affordable housing and wealth-taxes on the super-rich. The Kid’s body blows may not have hit the ultra-rich, but was successful in hitting much of the working class, particularly the marginalized communities.

As the fight progressed, it was clear that while Donnie had some dangerous knockout widow-makers, the Kid had prepared well to avoid them. At one point, a close-corner encounter-of-a-debate ensued, and the surprising Kid Kamala came out victorious with more clean jabs scored on women’s rights, abortion, and social equity. A clearly overconfident and ill-prepared Donnie flailed wildly, even trying an awkward uppercut featuring ‘they’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats’ as the fans guffawed. 

Returning to his corner after this potential round-of-the-century – with fight fans cheering for more – Donnie got instructions from his corner to never again try another close-quarter stunt-of-a-debate. He was to avoid the debates at all cost. “Donald, duck”, his corner would shout in unison, everytime Donnie was tempted to engage. Donnie could make more damage from a distance, but close quarter fiascos such as that disastrous debate were now ruled out. 

Donnie then reverted to his old traditional head-hunting round-house swings on illegal immigration and economic growth, but it seemed that the Kid could see the telegraphed punches a mile away, and would have an answer for each of Donnie’s killer kayoes on the economy and immigration. 

As the fight progressed, it was clear that the younger, faster Kid Kamala was outhitting and outsmarting the now fast-fading Ducking Donnie. She had more body blows targeting social justice and racial equity, an education policy focused on the underserved communities, a surprisingly stronger stance on international commitments and alliances, while Donnie parried with ‘concepts of a plan’. It was clear that The Kid was scoring on the late rounds, while Donnie’s age was failing his defense. 

As the title fight reached its last round, the fight still remained a toss-up, with both fighters fighting toe-to toe to win the judges’ – and the fans’ – votes. The older, now visibly-exhausted Duke Donnie swung hard, emptying his bag of tricks with personal attacks and more, even venturing a Puerto Rican punchline which would backfire; while Kid Kamala would end the closing round with cleaner hits on uniting as opposed to dividing America, on building as opposed to destroying, and on delivering a message of calm and not chaos. 

And as the fight of the century ended, politico-boxing fans from across the galaxy hailed the fight as the closest, most entertaining fight they had witnessed in eons. There was never a dull moment as the fighters brought in a wide array of contentious head shots and body blows reflecting an ideological divide in multiverse American politico-boxing. From the brain-busting uppercuts on the economy to the vicious hard hooks on immigration to the jarring jabs and stunning straights on social justice, international affairs, education, gun control, criminal justice reform and more, the judges and fans will have their unique take on the blows thrown and the deft defensive parries and counterpunches. 

Who will win the fight? Who will the gods favor? As the judges prepare to make their decisions, as fans wait with baited breaths, the hard swings, the masterful defenses, the head and body shots of issues should remind us fans that the outcome of this title fight will have a marked influence on multiverse America’s political boxing policies for years to come. The stakes are indeed high, and the judges’ choice made in this title fight-of-an-election will certainly have profound implications not just for multiverse America, but for the trajectory of the inter-galactic community itself.

May the force be with us all! 

Cover photo courtesy of the Bohol Chronicle.