This is a reblog of a short satire to commemorate the 5th anniversary of the Mamasapano Massacre. The Mamasapano Incident was a big fiasco that could have been avoided, if the powers-that-be had the courage to ‘take the bull by the horn’, so to speak. We offer this lampoon to memorialize the death of the ‘Fallen 44’; that we may relearn old lessons on brotherhood and camaraderie. Mamasapano cast a serious dent on the relationship between the country’s military and police forces, a dent that will need time to heal. We hope that the 2 forces will truthfully reflect on the incident and know what to do in future similar occasions.
Cast of Characters at ang mga nakisawsaw:
Penoy Akin-na – King of the Kingdom of the Filifins.
Allan Puro-sama – Best-Friend-Forever (BFF) of Penoy; former coach of the famed Filifin National Foolish Basketball Team (aka Team Foolish) owned by Penoy; suspended after complaints of eating too much in the dugout.
Ginoyo Na-Finish – Point guard of Team Foolish; understudy of Puro-sama.
Maro Ahas – Younger brother of Penoy; projected as Penoy’s successor; manager of Team Foolish.
Volatero Gasgas – A key adviser of Penoy; manager of Tm Ap-ap, another powerhouse basketball team owned by Penoy.
Gunggung Dilis – Manager of Piss Processing Zone, another company of Penoy.
Edwin Eskyerda – Cheerleader of Penoy.
Spines – Present coach of Team Foolish; elevated after Puro-sama was found guilty of over-eating.
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there lived a ruler by the name of Penoy Akin-na. Penoy was a reluctant ruler; who loved nothing more than to play make-believe hero with his video games. But because he was thrust into that position when his mother died, he tried to rule anyway – just for compliance. To help rule his land, Penoy created the Colang-colang Council. A wannabe athlete, Penoy also owned many of the kingdom’s top basketball clubs.
Scene 1: Game Ka Na Ba?
Allan Puro-sama: (entering the kubo where he finds Penoy playing video-karera) Boss Penoy, papuntahin natin ang Team Foolish sa Mama-na-panot. May basketball dun. Malaki kikitain natin dun. Mahilig sila sa pustahan.
Penoy: Talaga? (eyes still on the video game) Larga! Sama na rin natin ang Team Ap-ap? Para mas malakas tayo.
Allan: Wag na, boss, makikisosyo pa yan sa pustahan, liliit ang parti ng bawat isa sa atin. Hehe.
Penoy: Ganun? (thinking, and then stops thinking…) Bahala ka. Alam mo naman, lahat ng sabihin mo, ayos sakin. Sina Maro at Bolats? Papano sila? Bahala ka na dun sa kanila?
Allan: Bosing, baka pwede natin pag-usapan yan. Kasi… (whispering).
Scene 2: Game na!!!
Ginoyo Na-finish had brought the team to Mama-na-panot. His excited voice is heard in the background: Sa letrang M…. Mike, one. Eme, uno… Bingo!! Mike, one… bingo!!
Penoy (confused, as always): Teka, akala ko ba basketball ang nilalaro dun, bakit naging bingo?
Allan: (rolls his eyes upward, exasperated) Bosing, hindi bingo yan. Sabi nya, naka-score na tayo. Lamang na tayo! 1-0, bosing! Nananalo na tayo, bosing!!!
Penoy: Ganun? Haha! Good! Good! Sige, keep me posted, ha? I-annnounce ko sa Colang-colang Council ngayon din (Goes out to make the announcement.) Attention to announcement, sirs…. (yakkity, yak, yak…)
Maro: (in a low, yet fuming voice) What the… Bat di ko alam ito? My team is off to play, at wala akong alam? (approaches Penoy) ‘Tol, ano ‘to?
Penoy: Ahh… e, kasi… kwan.. yung kasi.. teka, di ba kayo nag-coordinate ni Puro-sama?
Scene 3: What’s the Name of the Game?
Ginoyo: (panting, over the celfon) Boss, napapalaban kami. Malakas pala kalaban dito. Pwede ba ipadala natin yung magagaling na players ng Tm Ap-ap dito. Sina Gil Kapter at Art Tilyero? Yung si Armor Propio na rin pati. Kelangang kelangan!
Spines: (surprised) Ha? Anak ng tokwa, bat di nyo ko sinabihan nito? Sino nag-coach senyo dyan?
Ginoyo: (scratches his head over the fon) Sori, boss. Sabi kasi ni bos Allan, sya na bahala sa coordination. Time-on-Target na daw ang iba sabihan. Mag-TOT daw kami para konti lang may alam. Baka daw kasi marami makisosyo. We can-TOT naman daw.
Spines: (seething) Gaddem, can-tot ka ng can-tot dyan!!! You tot-n-tot there, sanamagan! Ako ang coach nyo, hindi si Puro-masa!!! Este, Puro-sama pala! Kung akala niya na he can tot-n-tot, not on my watch, gadamot!
Ginoyo: (napa-chin ng konti over the fon) Sige na, bos, kelangan talaga malalakas na player. May mga serious injuries na yung ibang players natin e.
Spines: Pusang-alaws! Sige-sige. I will call Team Ap-ap ora mismo! Gadamot! Report ka sakin with inverted combat boots later! Sanamagan!!!
Scene 4: Game of Fools
Team Foolish is now being kabugized like the dickens in Mama-na-panot. Word has reached Penoy and the colang-colang council that the Foolish are losing big-time in Mama-na-panot. There is a slight commotion and loud whispers in the background.
Maro: (whispering aloud) Leche! Bat di ko alam ito? Kaninong foolish idea itong dalhin ang Team ko dun? Yung malakas kumain sa dugout palagay ko me gawa nito e. (sideglances at Penoy).
Penoy avoids his stare, reaches for his celfon, acts like he is talking to someone. Then looks around, as though seeking for someone who could give some sound, good advise. But no one ventures an answer.
Volatero Gasgas looks at Pinoy, then tries to hide. He is caught thinking aloud: Ops…. Wag kang titingin sakin. Tampo ako sayo. Di mo ko sinali sa planning, wala akong parte sa pusta. Hmp! Solbahin mo yan mag-isa mo! Ayaw ko magpahiram ng players ko.
Gunggung Dilis: (whispering) Bosing, wag ka na makisawsaw dyan. Baka mapahiya ka pa. Mangangamoy dilis tayong lahat dito. Baka pati yung Noble Piss Prize mo hindi ibigay. Hayaan mo na lang sila mag-ayos ng fishy smell nyan. Dapat malinis ang mga kamay mo dyan.
Penoy: Ganun? Papano yung mga players natin dun? Iiwanan na lang ba natin sila? Ano sabihin natin? (Confused sya, but no one else wants to pop-out.)
Edwin Eskyerda: (After a long silence…) Dedma na lang muna, bosing. Kunyari wala kang alam. Wala ka naman talagang alam e. (The last statement with emphasis).
Ginoyo: (frantically calling over the cfon, calling to everyone and anyone) Mga bosing, maawa naman kayo. Tinatambakan na kami dito! Abot na 30 ang lamang, at mukhang lalaki pa! Nasan na ang mga players ng Ap-Ap? Nakakahiya ito pag malaman na ang Foolish Team ay tinambakan ng barriotic team ng Mama-na-panot! Nag-iiyakan na mga players natin. Pinagbubugbug sila dito, tulungan nyo naman kami! Please!!!
But there is silence on the other end. There is no response, no sympathy. There is no help forthcoming.
Scene 5: Game over!
After the game, it’s Turuan Blues.
Penoy: Anyare?? Papano tayo natambakan ng 44 points? Wahhhh! Hindi ba kayo nag-practice? Hindi ba kayo nag-scout ng team nila? Investigate them! (Washes his hands with soap and water, then alcohol, then moisturizing cream, deodorizer, mouthwash, ap-ap solution, muriatic acid, sulfuric acid, etc, etc. He wants to point a finger on someone to blame, but does not want to finger himself or his BFF, Allan. He decides to finger Ginoyo instead.)
Allan: Bosing, advice lang naman yung sakin na wag sabihan yung iba, ha?Para malaki parte natin. (Scratches his head.) Labas na muna ako, bosing, galit sakin sina Maro at Bolats, e. Gusto yata sakin ang sisi. Pwede ba kay Ginoyo na lang? (In wanting to smell good after his gluttonious forays in the dugout, he goes for a big win. Unfortunately, the plan fails. Miserably.)
Ginoyo: (thinking aloud) Finish na ang career ko. (Sings, still in shock) Ako ang nasisisi, ako ang nakikita, ako ang laging may kasalanan… (He initially expressed willingness to be the ‘Fool’ guy, or the escape goat, ika nga. But no, today’s fingering session can be shared generously by everyone in the kingdom’s Colang-Colang council.)
Maro: Sabi ko na’t yung malakas kumain na naman ang may gawa nito e. His handprints are all over. Amoy sardines pa. Dapat ma-investigate ito. Pero dapat the buck stops there lang. Heads must roll!!! (Basta wag lang yung akin, ha? Like his bro, he has mastered the great art of hugas-kamay.)
Gung-gung: Eyes on the ball, bosing. Yung Noble Piss Prize natin ang mas importante. (Her priorities are at best fishy. The Piss Prize is far more important to her than the well-being of the players Penoy sent to Mama-na-panot.)
Volatero: Zzzzzzzz. Gisingin nyo ko kung tapos na sisihan. Wag nyo sabihin kay bosing na dito lang ako sa likod mag-doze. Magtatago lang ako at baka malasin pa. (The old adage: less talk, less mistakes; no talk, no mistake. And keep a low profile; if possible, no profile.)
Eskyerda: Papano kaya ituro ang leadership? At ang decisiveness? Attitude. Empathy pati. Ayaw makinig kasi e. Oh well, malapit na rin matapos ‘to. Boys, yung mga boxes of chocolates ko ha? Paki-prepare para dahan-dahan na akong maka-eskyerda. (Make the best out of this mess. What’s my exit plan? Change is coming!)
The debacle in Mama-na-panot stripped the ruler-pretender and his not-so-cool Colang-colang council of all vestiges of authority and respect. Painstaking efforts were made to absolve the clueless Penoy of any responsibility over the big fiasco. But clearly, Penoy had shown his true colors in this painful tragedy; that he was a just fair-weather ruler who would much rather retreat to his room and play with his video games, rather than face problems squarely the way true leaders were expected to do. The game could still have been saved, if not for the ineptness, the inaction, the indecisiveness and indifference that Penoy and his council of idiots so pitifully displayed. Truly, it was a Game of Wrongs.